Infidelity Coach Blog
coach@infidelitycoach.net
Dating Online - time to do it seriously.
I have seen many couples that have created a great relationship from
meeting their partner online. And I have also seen many singles that
find online dating is a merry-go-round of disappointing connections and
dates that go nowhere. I have devoted this post to providing
information that may assist you in navigating some of the pitfalls of
love in the online world.
1. What Photo To Use
One of the biggest time wasters online is having a profile that is
vague, old or downright dishonest. We have all heard of scenarios where
people use photos from 10 years ago or describe themselves in a way
other than they are. Dishonesty will probably always be a part of the
online world, however, you can take a stand for who you are and what you
believe.
Think of your profile as a relationship business card. You will
attract what you put out there, so think clearly about what you are
looking for and be honest and upfront. It is much more likely that you
will attract people that are looking for the same thing.
All
photo's should be 1 to 3 years old. If you have lost or gained weight,
or look different from that photo, then don't use that photo.
To
be honest, you should be doing some work on your own self worth. Do you
feel happy with who you are and what you stand for? Are you ready to
meet the person of your dreams?
2. Fast connections don’t have to mean fast relationships
Frequently I see couples that speed into a relationship with one
another without taking the time to get to know each other. We now live
in a fast-paced world where anything we want or need is at our
fingertips and available on the internet. However, no matter how
excited, passionate or ‘in love’ you feel about a new relationship, it
does take time to get to know a person.
The other pattern I see is when a person becomes a serial dater. By
this I mean they become adept at connecting online and dating many
people, however, they never get past a second or third date because they
lose interest. This fast food love is exactly that; they get a ‘quick
fix’ from the initial excitement of meeting someone new, and then
quickly move on when there is the possibility of going deeper. If this
is you, you may want to consider what are your blocks to getting to know
someone a little deeper, and perhaps even experiencing emotional
intimacy.
Do you know what the 3 month rule is?
3. Take time to reveal and discover
Take your time to reveal yourself and to let your new date
reveal themselves. Part of the joy of a new relationship is the gradual
deepening and getting to know your partner. When this process is rushed
or big commitments are made early on, you have not had the time to
invest in building a solid foundation for your relationship to rest
upon. I am reminded of the phrase; ‘don’t push the river, it flows by
itself.’
Relationships have a life of their own and it is important to respect
the natural pace and unfolding that is needed to create a strong and
secure relationship. When you take this approach to your new
relationship, you are less likely to regret rash decisions and you can
then relax and enjoy this lovely time of your relationship.
Or Try Prepare Enrich
4. Be clear, respectful and honest in your communications
As I have written in another post about ending relationships online,
it is vital that you communicate with others as you would like them to
communicate with you. Unfortunately, the relative anonymity of the web
and the convenience of not having to communicate face-to-face has meant
that many people now start and end relationships online with little
consideration for the feelings of the other.
If you are clear, respectful and honest in all your interactions with your online dates, you will not only avoid possible relationship breakdown,
but will also be encouraging others to do the same. As a rule of thumb,
if you imagine you would be comfortable saying what you are typing
face-to-face, then there is a good chance that the communication is
respectful.
5. Stay connected to the real world
As amazing as the internet has become for connecting with others and
facilitating new relationships, don’t forget to stay connected with your
world outside of the internet.
It is easy to immerse yourself in reading dating profiles for hours
and hours and perhaps not even meeting anyone, or feeling too nervous to
set up that first date. Try to avoid endless messaging back and forth
by asking to meet in-person in a public place that is safe and secure,
so that you can get a good sense of the person in the real world.
Also, be careful not to neglect your real-world friends and family.
Work to strike a balance between online interactions and spending
relaxing and enjoyable times with those that you care about. The more
that you can be present with those offline, will only enhance your
overall happiness and life satisfaction.
The
show "CatFish" MTV, was a great example of how online dating allowed
people to misrepresent themselves. So many people have been deceived by
other, often lonely and desperate people, who are looking for love, and
are willing to say anything to get it. The moral of this show is to
ensure the person you are communicating with is the person they say they
are.
I would love to hear about any tips that you have found
helpful in the world of online dating. Add your comments in the box
below.
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