Oh the joys of kids! The ups and the downs of raising kids is both rewarding and challenging. But what if the kids are not your own biological children?
Step family situations are more common than not in 2013 as the divorce rate Sky rockets. On my facebook page, I recently posted this stat:
"Nothing guarantees failure of new relationships more than dragging the unfinished business of each former relationship into the next. Proof: 1st marriage divorce rate = 50%; 2nd = 67%; 3rd = 73%."
Newly remarried couples without children usually use their first months together to build on their relationship. Couples with children, on the other hand, are often more consumed with their own kids than with each other.
You will no doubt focus a lot of energy on your children and their adjustment, but you also need to focus on building a strong marital bond. This will ultimately benefit everyone, including the children. If the children see love, respect, and open communication between you and your spouse, they will feel more secure and may even learn to model those qualities.
- Set aside time as a couple by making regular dates or meeting for lunch or coffee during school time.
- Present a unified parenting approach to the children – arguing or disagreeing in front of them may encourage them to try to come between you.
If, despite all of your best efforts, your new spouse and/or children are not getting along, find a way to protect and nurture the children despite the difficult environment. Hopefully, if the kids see and feel your emotional support, they will do their best with the situation.
It might be time to seek outside help from a therapist if:
- a child directs anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a step-parent or parent.
- a step-parent or parent openly favors one child over another.
- members of the family derive no pleasure from usually enjoyable activities such as school, working, playing, or being with friends and family.
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