To Get What You Want from Your Man, Understand This...

Change starts when we recognize the simple biological differences between men and women. For instance....

Women generally want connection and family: they define themselves by their relationships.
They have the nurturing instinct, the need to take care of others and maintain the health and wellness of the people they care for.

Men, however, generally identify themselves by what they do: they want to be providers.
A man has a need to take care of the family and be the breadwinner. It is a subconscious need -- most men are not even aware that they have this need or drive.

While men have many of these subconscious drives, there are at least five basic needs that all men have deep within themselves; if any of these needs are not being met, it will cause problems in your relationship.

The 5 Basic Needs that ALL Men Have...

What are these needs? They are:
1. Words of affirmation and praise.
2. A sense of being respected.
3. The feeling that he is being listened to and heard.
4. Physical touch. (This doesn't necessarily mean sex, but rather affection.)
5. Intimacy and bonding (yes, believe it or not!)
All you have to do is meet these five basic needs, and meet them consistently, to see your relationship transformed right before your eyes.

Meeting these needs gives you a great deal of influence with your man -- he'll be willing to do almost ANYTHING you ask, at the drop of a hat, because you have suddenly become the source of most of the good feelings he's having about his life.

He may not even realize what's happening.

The best part is, this is "ethical influence" because you're meeting his most basic psychological needs. Not wants, but needs. It's as if you are nourishing his soul.

And what do YOU get out of the deal? The man you want -- the man who adores you, shows true affection towards you, and puts you ahead of everything else in his life.

Savannah Ellis

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The Most Common Warning Signs Of Cheating

There are no strict and definitive clues that can tell if your spouse or partner is cheating. However, noticing several of the common signs happening at the same time should be enough to stir your curiosity and make you become a little cautious. Although it is not healthy to doubt your partner, it will help for you to be on your toes if your guts tell you that something wrong is up.
If your instinct tells you that your partner might be seeing another, you might want to look into other possible signs. See if your husband or wife is showing some of these following signs.

They’re Starting to Dress Up – Better Than Usual

If your partner dresses up better when they are scheduled to go out with you, then that’s something you should appreciate. However, if there is a sudden change in styling and hygiene, even without an occasion to dress up for in the first place, you get the right to be wary. If the change doesn’t happen along with an effort to be with you or please you, then he or she might be doing it for someone else. You can also watch out for a change in perfume or cologne. If they have been using the same scent for years and suddenly puts on another without saying anything about it, it must mean something that you don’t want happening.

Always on the Guard of His or Her Phone and Social Media Accounts

If your partner suddenly won’t let you touch their phone, turn it off or put it on silent mode when you’re together, or take it wherever he goes, then it could be that they are hiding something. Same goes with their social media accounts. If they won’t let you know of their new password, and the reason why they changed it, you can start putting the radar up and running.

Catching Secret Phone Conversations

You can imagine it: you walk into a room where your husband or wife is, and they suddenly drop the call, telling you it’s work-related. This one’s a sure classic that you shouldn’t miss or let pass.

He or She Starts Picking a Fight About Every Little Thing

If they begin arguing with you for no reasonable reason at all and blaming you for just about anything, they could be subconsciously covering something up. Furthermore, these fights will give them the excuse to stay away from you for quite some time, getting the chance to spend more time with the other man or woman.

Friends Acting Weird

If you have common friends and they suddenly act weird around you, then they might know something that you don’t know. Whether they’re loyal to your partner enough to cover them up or they love you that much they don’t want to hurt you, the bottom line is, they must be hiding something really fishy.

He or She Starts Accusing YOU of Sheating

This is probably the worst and most painful signal that your partner is cheating. If they begin accusing you of cheating when you are not actually doing it, it must be their guilty conscience speaking. Cheaters are often too sensitive and defensive and this can manifest through accusations and making hurtful remarks about you.

Savannah Ellis is a relationship therapist from Las Vegas. She does affair recovery coaching and sharing an advice for cheaters and their partners.

5 Signs He Is Having An Affair?

There would always come that point in the relationship where the husband would get sick of the wife and vice versa.  If you are a lady and love him so much, you can’t really stop the fact that he might be having an affair with another woman.  Here are 5 signs that would mean he is seeing another woman:

1) You Rarely See Him

If he is suddenly rarely seen at home, there is a good chance he is seeing another woman.  However, he will continue to shower you with a ton of excuses including he had to work overtime, he had to visit a sick friend and he had to do some last minute shopping.  It is possible he does not want to come home because he feels guilty.  He could run out of excuses and you should take notice of his reasons if he always comes home late or does not even come home for some days.

2) He is Suddenly Unreachable

It can make you feel suspicious if you suddenly can’t reach his mobile phone at times when you know you can call him.  He can give you that old excuse that his mobile phone ran out of battery but he can’t simply repeat that excuse a couple more times than usual.  If he can’t be reached on his mobile phone then it could be because he is with somebody else and turning off the mobile phone is his way of covering it up.

3) Follow Your Instinct

A woman would know if something fishy is going on just by a gut feeling.  You would know if your man is suddenly not behaving the way he used to.  You would know that there is a chance he could be seeing someone else especially if he smells like a girl’s perfume.

4) He Talks about Another Woman

If he suddenly talks about another girl then there is a good chance she is the third party.  There is a chance the guy has already fallen in love with the girl which could be reason why he can’t help but talk about her.  Of course, he could be covering it up by telling you she is just a friend but you can’t help but feel jealous.  You can’t really blame yourself if you tell him to stop talking about that girl but he would always forget your warnings and still talk about her.

5) He is Defensive

When he comes home late and you ask him where he was, he suddenly blows off on you by asking you why you would ask him such questions.  If that happens then there is a good reason something fishy is going on because if that is not the case then he would just smile at you.  There might even be a chance that your partner suddenly accuses you of having another man.  If that happens then it is probably because it is the other way around and he may be trying to hide it himself.

Step Parenting in 2013

Oh the joys of kids! The ups and the downs of raising kids is both rewarding and challenging. But what if the kids are not your own biological children?

Step family situations are more common than not in 2013 as the divorce rate Sky rockets. On my facebook page, I recently posted this stat:

"Nothing guarantees failure of new relationships more than dragging the unfinished business of each former relationship into the next. Proof: 1st marriage divorce rate = 50%; 2nd = 67%; 3rd = 73%."

Newly remarried couples without children usually use their first months together to build on their relationship. Couples with children, on the other hand, are often more consumed with their own kids than with each other.

You will no doubt focus a lot of energy on your children and their adjustment, but you also need to focus on building a strong marital bond. This will ultimately benefit everyone, including the children. If the children see love, respect, and open communication between you and your spouse, they will feel more secure and may even learn to model those qualities.

• Set aside time as a couple by making regular dates or meeting for lunch or coffee during school time.
• Present a unified parenting approach to the children – arguing or disagreeing in front of them may encourage them to try to come between you.

Creating family routines and rituals helps unite family members. Decide on meaningful family rituals and plan to incorporate at least one into your blended family. They might include Sunday visits to the beach, a weekly game night, or special ways to celebrate a family birthday. Establishing regular family meals, for example, offers a great chance for you to talk and bond with your children and stepchildren as well as encourage healthy eating habits.

If, despite all of your best efforts, your new spouse and/or children are not getting along, find a way to protect and nurture the children despite the difficult environment. Hopefully, if the kids see and feel your emotional support, they will do their best with the situation.

It might be time to seek outside help from a therapist if:

• a child directs anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a step-parent or parent.
• a step-parent or parent openly favors one child over another.
• members of the family derive no pleasure from usually enjoyable activities such as school, working, playing, or being with friends and family. 

Peace & Love

Savannah

www.infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com

Forgiveness - the benefits of forgiving

When a client first contacts me at the Infidelity Recovery Clinic, one of their most sincere desires is to be able to forgive their partner for what ever they had done. They want to be able to love and trust them again. So they come into clinic hopeful that I will have the magic vitamin which will restore the trust and make the pain go away. The great thing is that the pain will go away and you can forgive and rebuild trust. It is just that the "magic vitamin" takes a little time to work its magic, and the clients dedication to implementing the new tools they learn at the clinic. 

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. 

Forgiveness can lead to:

• ·       Healthier relationships
• ·       Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• ·       Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• ·       Lower blood pressure
• ·       Fewer symptoms of depression
• ·       Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• ·       Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• ·       Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• ·       When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you
• ·       Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

Does forgiveness effect a couples happiness?

Forgiveness has been found to be a very significant component in the relationships of happy couples. In a study of over 7,000 married couples who took PREPARE/ENRICH, 87% of the Vitalized couples had high scores in forgiveness indicating it to be a relationship strength. Devitalized couples had low scores in forgiveness indicating this was a growth area in their relationship.  The Prepare Enrich Couple's Workbook contains a 6-step model for seeking forgiveness and a 6-step model of granting forgiveness that is used to help guide you through these processes.   

Often by doing the Prepare Enrich Assessment while recovering from betrayal such as infidelity and affairs, the couple can review the strengths of the relationship at the same time. People need to remember what they are fighting for, and that by learning to take on life challenges and move through them together, they will be stronger as a couple and MUCH happier long term.

If you are sick and tired of not being able to not forgive, it is up to you to TAKE ACTION. Forgiveness is for you.

This is your time!

Savannah

www.infidelitycoach.net 

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