The Most Common Warning Signs Of Cheating

There are no strict and definitive clues that can tell if your spouse or partner is cheating. However, noticing several of the common signs happening at the same time should be enough to stir your curiosity and make you become a little cautious. Although it is not healthy to doubt your partner, it will help for you to be on your toes if your guts tell you that something wrong is up.
If your instinct tells you that your partner might be seeing another, you might want to look into other possible signs. See if your husband or wife is showing some of these following signs.

They’re Starting to Dress Up – Better Than Usual

If your partner dresses up better when they are scheduled to go out with you, then that’s something you should appreciate. However, if there is a sudden change in styling and hygiene, even without an occasion to dress up for in the first place, you get the right to be wary. If the change doesn’t happen along with an effort to be with you or please you, then he or she might be doing it for someone else. You can also watch out for a change in perfume or cologne. If they have been using the same scent for years and suddenly puts on another without saying anything about it, it must mean something that you don’t want happening.

Always on the Guard of His or Her Phone and Social Media Accounts

If your partner suddenly won’t let you touch their phone, turn it off or put it on silent mode when you’re together, or take it wherever he goes, then it could be that they are hiding something. Same goes with their social media accounts. If they won’t let you know of their new password, and the reason why they changed it, you can start putting the radar up and running.

Catching Secret Phone Conversations

You can imagine it: you walk into a room where your husband or wife is, and they suddenly drop the call, telling you it’s work-related. This one’s a sure classic that you shouldn’t miss or let pass.

He or She Starts Picking a Fight About Every Little Thing

If they begin arguing with you for no reasonable reason at all and blaming you for just about anything, they could be subconsciously covering something up. Furthermore, these fights will give them the excuse to stay away from you for quite some time, getting the chance to spend more time with the other man or woman.

Friends Acting Weird

If you have common friends and they suddenly act weird around you, then they might know something that you don’t know. Whether they’re loyal to your partner enough to cover them up or they love you that much they don’t want to hurt you, the bottom line is, they must be hiding something really fishy.

He or She Starts Accusing YOU of Sheating

This is probably the worst and most painful signal that your partner is cheating. If they begin accusing you of cheating when you are not actually doing it, it must be their guilty conscience speaking. Cheaters are often too sensitive and defensive and this can manifest through accusations and making hurtful remarks about you.

Savannah Ellis is a relationship therapist from Las Vegas. She does affair recovery coaching and sharing an advice for cheaters and their partners.

Phases in Dealing & Healing from Affair-Crisis

It is important to note that not all affairs or discovery of affairs lead to marital crisis. Married couples in many cultures in the past or present have accepted, tolerated or even incorporated affairs and multiple relationships into the marriage via open conversations or via don't ask, don't tell unspoken agreement.

Phase 1: Discovery and Crisis:
When a secretive extramarital affair comes to light, it sometimes launches a marital crisis. In response to discovery, the betrayed partner often feels a sense of violation, despair, rage, anger, fear, distrust, depression, jealousy, or may feel relief and validation. The involved spouse’s feelings may include shame, remorse, exposure, fear, anger, rage or violence.

People must realize at this phase that:
a. Many of these feeling are normal
b. They will not last forever
c. This is not the time to make major martial decisions.

Phase 2: Initial Dealings with the Affair:
After the exposure of the affair following the discovery or initial confrontation has passed, it is time for the couple to gain perspective and to become more reflective. This is a phase thatmay involve a lot of blame between the couple, as unresolved hurts come to the surface. Unless the couple comes to terms with the affair and is ready to incorporate it into the marriage, the involved spouse may need to:
a. Cut off all contact with the lover
b. Make a commitment to future honesty and marital integrity,
c. Offer a sincere apology,
d. Apologize repeatedly,
e. Honestly answer legitimate 
f. Be willing to take AIDS or other STD tests.

At this stage the couple tries to understand the individual and couple dynamics that fueled the
affair and starts moving away from despair and blame to a realization that the marriage can survive the affair.

Phase 3: Beginning Again: Building a Stronger Post-Affair Marriage:
This stage is about coming to an agreement about the structure of the marriage and about rebuilding the relationship and basing themarriage on mature love, not romantic love. Unlike the falling in love stage, mature love is based on realistic expectations, responsibility, accepting oneself and the other’s strengths and weaknesses, knowledge and care of each other and being able to resolve conflicts.

Ultimately, the key to healing from infidelity involves, acceptance, letting go of resentment and being able to forgive. And yes....it is easier said than done. Hang in there because it is worth it in the long run.

The infidelity recovery program is available to take you through a 7 Step Infidelity Recovery Process. Go to www.infidelitycoaches.com to find an Infidelity Recovery Coach near you.

12 Types of Affairs

Infidelity, unlike what most people assume, is neither rare, an exclusively man's doing, nor the likely end of the marriage. Almost a third of all marriages may need to confront and deal with the aftermath of extramarital affairs, and the statistics for women are quickly catching up to those of men. Interestingly, infidelity has become an equal opportunity affair. Women, men, gay, straight, young and old, all seem to be somehow engaged in affairs.  

The Internet or online affairs have become extremely prevalent and, some claim, pose one of the biggest threats to marriage. It is very important to realize that marital affairs are common, normal in many societies and survivable. Marriages can get stronger when members of the couple deal constructively with the affair.

Many famous people have publicly dealt with their marital infidelity. These include presidents, such as Roosevelt, Kennedy, Clinton and Jefferson, and other public figures, such as Prince Charles, Princess Diana, Marion Barry,Gary Hart, Martin Luther King and television evangelist Jim Bakker. Actors have long provided endless material for tabloids on affairs and infidelity.

A 26-year affair with her co-star Spencer Tracy was hidden from the public.

Some more known examples are Bill Cosby, Sophia Loren, and Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn's life-long affair. Correspondingly, many movies have dealt with affairs, most notably The Bridges of Madison County,Out of Africa, The Horse Whisperer, Closer and, of course, The Graduate.

The common belief is that affairs are about sex. In fact, affairs are often about self-expression and not always a reflection of a bad marriage. Infidelity is unfaithfulness to a sexual partner in an agreed monogamous relationship. It is a betrayal of trust & friendship.

Not all affairs are created equal: Types of Affairs:

1. Conflict Avoidance:
People who go to any length to avoid any and all marital conflictmay resort to affairs.

2. Intimacy Avoidance:
"Intimacy avoiders" are reluctant to be intimately close and use the affair to keep themselves at an emotional distance from their spouse.

3. Individual (Existential or Developmental):
Mid-life crisis, fear of growing old, the empty nest, depression and a sense of emptiness or a void are factors that can fuel an affair.

4. Sexual Addiction:
Sex addicts compulsively display poor impulse control. They use sex over and over again to
numb inner pain and/or a sense of emptiness.

5. Accidental-Brief Affairs:
This type of one night stand affair "just happens," when a person is in the right (wrong)
place at the right time. Curiosity, pity, drunkenness and even politeness may lead to such affairs.

6. Philandering:
Some individuals are insecure and constantly need to "score," conquer or receive affirmation
about themselves. Narcissistic and impulsive individuals may be especially prone to marital infidelity.

7. Retribution:
Sometimes one partner wants to "get back" at the other partner by having an affair. This may be payback for withholding money, love, emotion or any other perceived wrongdoing. Unsatisfactory Marriage: This kind of affair is the result of a bad relationship in regard to communication, intimacy, support or sexuality.

9. Exit Affairs:
"Affair exiters" use the affair as a jumping off point to end a marriage.

10. Parallel Lives:
These are long-term extramarital relationships, which coincide with the original marital dyad.
Affairs of this kind do not necessary hurt the marriage and many claim may sometimes even support it by increasing the development and sense of well-being of all involved. Examples of these are Spencer Tracy & Katharine Hepburn's life-long affair or Prince Charles & Camilla Parker Bowles' affair. Such extramarital relationships are sometimes known, accepted or tolerated by the spouse and others.

11. Online:
Online affairs have become extremely prevalent since the inception of the Internet and the
propagation of pornography and online dating. Some view online affairs as one of the biggest threats to marriage. With the "Quadruple A engine" of accessibility, affordability, anonymity and addiction, the Internet population seems to be exploring sexuality in ways that are unprecedented.

12. Consensual Extramarital Sexual Relationships:
Sometimes extramarital relationships are explicitly incorporated into the marriage, as in open marriages, polyamorous, or other arrangements.

Rebuilding your relationship after an affair begins with knowing what you are dealing with - what type of affair was it? Try and be calm and talk about what happened. If you can't do it alone, then seek professional help.

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Forgiveness - the benefits of forgiving

When a client first contacts me at the Infidelity Recovery Clinic, one of their most sincere desires is to be able to forgive their partner for what ever they had done. They want to be able to love and trust them again. So they come into clinic hopeful that I will have the magic vitamin which will restore the trust and make the pain go away. The great thing is that the pain will go away and you can forgive and rebuild trust. It is just that the "magic vitamin" takes a little time to work its magic, and the clients dedication to implementing the new tools they learn at the clinic. 

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. 

Forgiveness can lead to:

• ·       Healthier relationships
• ·       Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• ·       Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• ·       Lower blood pressure
• ·       Fewer symptoms of depression
• ·       Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• ·       Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• ·       Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• ·       When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you
• ·       Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

Does forgiveness effect a couples happiness?

Forgiveness has been found to be a very significant component in the relationships of happy couples. In a study of over 7,000 married couples who took PREPARE/ENRICH, 87% of the Vitalized couples had high scores in forgiveness indicating it to be a relationship strength. Devitalized couples had low scores in forgiveness indicating this was a growth area in their relationship.  The Prepare Enrich Couple's Workbook contains a 6-step model for seeking forgiveness and a 6-step model of granting forgiveness that is used to help guide you through these processes.   

Often by doing the Prepare Enrich Assessment while recovering from betrayal such as infidelity and affairs, the couple can review the strengths of the relationship at the same time. People need to remember what they are fighting for, and that by learning to take on life challenges and move through them together, they will be stronger as a couple and MUCH happier long term.

If you are sick and tired of not being able to not forgive, it is up to you to TAKE ACTION. Forgiveness is for you.

This is your time!

Savannah

www.infidelitycoach.net 

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