When a client first contacts me at
the Infidelity
Recovery Clinic, one of their most sincere desires is to be able to
forgive their partner for what ever they had done. They want to be able to love
and trust them again. So they come into clinic hopeful that I will have the
magic vitamin which will restore the trust and make the pain go away. The great
thing is that the pain will go away and you can forgive and rebuild trust. It
is just that the "magic vitamin" takes a little time to work its
magic, and the clients dedication to implementing the new tools they learn
at the clinic.
What is forgiveness?
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace.
Forgiveness can lead to:
- · Healthier relationships
- · Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- · Less anxiety, stress and hostility
- · Lower blood pressure
- · Fewer symptoms of depression
- · Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.What are the effects of holding a grudge?
If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:- · Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
- · Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
- · When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you
- · Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
As you let
go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You
might even find compassion and understanding.
Does forgiveness effect a couples happiness?
Forgiveness has been found to be a very significant component in the relationships of happy couples. In a study of over 7,000 married couples who took PREPARE/ENRICH, 87% of the Vitalized couples had high scores in forgiveness indicating it to be a relationship strength. Devitalized couples had low scores in forgiveness indicating this was a growth area in their relationship. The Prepare Enrich Couple's Workbook contains a 6-step model for seeking forgiveness and a 6-step model of granting forgiveness that is used to help guide you through these processes.Often by doing the Prepare Enrich Assessment while recovering from betrayal such as infidelity and affairs, the couple can review the strengths of the relationship at the same time. People need to remember what they are fighting for, and that by learning to take on life challenges and move through them together, they will be stronger as a couple and MUCH happier long term.
If you are sick and tired of not being able to not forgive, it is up to you to TAKE ACTION. Forgiveness is for you.
This is your time!
Savannah
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